But realistically, my night hadn't even started. This was all just a tune-up for my adventure to Somerville and pure PPV bliss. The back story looks like this – the Charlie Horse in Bridgewater used to host WWE PPVs until they moved the prices up in $5 increments. I don't know if there is a personal issue involved, or if they just don't think wrestling will fill the place up anymore, I ‘m not sure. But my favorite sports pub (and the site of many many free birthday meals) hasn't shown a WWE PPV in years. They sure do host a mean UFC bash though.
THE 20th ANNUAL ROYAL RUMBLE SPECTACULAR
So it's off to Somerville, just north of the Bean. There, another arcade sports pub greets us just off route 93. $5 tickets will gain you access to a live showing of MSD's ALL-TIME favorite PPV, the 20th annual ROYAL RUMBLE showdown (and a few small bars stocked with buffalo wings and hard liquor). This shall be the site for all future WWE PPV gatherings by yours truly. Instead of cajoling some nitwit into ordering PPVs for me, I'll spend that $40 or $50 on tequila shots and appetizer combos. All in the presence of a hundred other raving wrestling maniacs. This is where my story gets interesting, as we take you in a drunken fog to Somerville Massachusetts and my birthday night comes to a spectacular conclusion.
The rules are simple, you pick the winners in each opening match and you get three picks from the ROYAL RUMBLE litter (perfect for 10 or less players). I swear to God on all that is holy and sacred, the Undertaker was among my three picks. As birthday boy I got to pick first, and he was my choice. I also selected Shawn Michaels and Sabu. The reason I picked them was simple – WWE told me to. Watching Undertaker clean house at the SMACKDOWN mini-Rumble last Friday (a match he wasn't even formally invited into) made him my early favorite. Especially after they re showed that finish during the RUMLE pre-game rundown. I picked HBK as my second pick (after such perennial all-stars as Edge, Randy Orton and Carlito were picked ahead of him) because I started to visualize a DX versus John Cena showdown for WRESTLEMANIA. Plus the 10th anniversary of his RUMBLE win and the fact it was shown in his hometown of San Antonio. Sabu was just my sleeper favorite (and the Sandman was already taken). The very early matches of the card are still fuzzy. I know (but still don't fully understand) the Hardy Boyz getting a ridiculous reaction from the fans, including the ones packed in to the viewing room. I missed the end of that match and the entire Lashley/Test match because I was on a drink run. I do know I heard the place explode when the Hardy's won, but the entire ECW Title match was oddly quiet.
The Batista/Kennedy match was short, it feels like. As soon as I was finally settling in, the match was over. One of my friends (who popped in during the night) couldn't even understand how a man who looks like Mr. Kennedy would earn offensive against Batista (keeping in mind he is NO fan of the sport). Just one non-fans casual observation. Hometown hero John Cena (representing West Newbury MA, even though it's practically in New Hampshire) got the livest reaction all night. Muthaphuckkers absolutely love this guy. There were a few Umaga fans who made up for their absence with sheer volume, but overall this place was Chain Gang central. Sickest match of the night, and so entertaining. Umaga is a great performer and a very believable character, and John Cena is John Cena. The scene where he pitched the metal stairs over the top rope into Umaga's face was an ill visual. Umaga's dramatic run down the two announce tables for a missed splash through the third one was chilling in the crowd reaction it drew. Priceless adrenaline rush and I felt privileged to share it with so many other drunken lunatics.
There are other quick blurs. Ric Flair! WHOOO! When he was backstage dancing under the strobe light. Lil Bastard got all the little kids riled up when he bit Johnathan Coachman. Kelly Kelly is hot but "big balls" jokes are passé. The road to WRESTLEMANIA has begun, but "All Grown Up" sounds like a lame theme.
The RUMBLE itself was superb as always. What were the time intervals on this one? Cuz it felt like dudes were coming out on top of each other. We'll take it to the head Sunday Morning Hangover-style and let my mind spray. Random bullets from the 20th annual ROYAL RUMBLE:
• Needed Ric Flair number one so we could set the event off in pompous fashion and get the entire building to scream "whoooo!"
• Big boos when Flair finally got tossed by Edge (with a minor assist by Kenny Doane or "Dykstra"). But when Kenny got tossed by Edge from behind after mocking the Flair strut, the place popped huge.
• The Great KHALI was a HUGE addition to the RUMBLE. His late entrance alone had the place going crazy, never mind when he started throwing people out left and right. This only made Undertaker's eventual arrival even bigger. When KHALI finally hit the floor (after a nearly botched clothesline attempt) the place exploded with cheers.
• I didn't see King Booker get eliminated. I saw him pitch out Kane and then follow him outside to pummel him further, but no actual elimination. Must have missed that somehow.
• Sandman got a huge pop when he arrived and when he laced into those fools with his kendo stick. But the ECW extremist got the Bushwacker Luke treatment and was eliminated right away. That got a huge pop too, out of sheer excitement and shock.
• When Sabu came down the first thing he did was unload a table at ringside. The first thing I did was ask "who's gonna be the guy to put him through it?" The unanimous answer was Kane and I'm pretty sure that's exactly what happened.
• The teased friction between Rated RKO went over HUGE with the crowd. Edge streaked towards Orton from behind with what appeared to be a spear. But Orton held him off with a threat from his steel chair. When HBK managed to eliminate both members by himself (after they throttled Undertaker) it was pure wrestling nirvana.
• Could be the countless "Red Deaths" my friend insisted we fill up on, but the final showdown between HBK and the Undertaker was the best finish to a ROYAL RUMBLE match EVER. Awesome ending that kept both competitors looking strong. I didn't even remember until AFTER the match that Undertaker still has his revered WRESTLEMANIA undefeated streak intact! This just made his WRESTLEMANIA main event even more exciting for me. I can't wait to see how this one unfolds. I'm hoping he gets the Trish Stratus treatment, cuz I don't see anyone on the roster worthy enough of ending that streak. It should last forever.
• Just to end the night on an absolutely perfect moment – and to illustrate the epitome of birthday miracles – I present to you this true story. While waiting for wifey to come out the bathroom, I wobbly punched in 50 cents to play one of those claw games. Keep in mind I was drunk as fuck and could barely stand. But I won on my first try, and earned wifey a little stuffed teddy bear that read "GOOD TIMES EMPORIUM" – the place of our adventure. Later that night on the way home, we stopped at Burger King off the Route 24 highway and I earned highest score EVER on THE SOPRANOS pinball game. I made it all the way to "Boss"! I almost wouldn't believe it myself, if I hadn't woken up this morning to see that little bear smiling back at me. God bless the world. I didn't even wake up with a hangover.
OUTROI haven't been checkin the scene so much lately, but I remember when an internet smark was only known for his cynicism. To them I say "you either ain't smoked out enough, or you're not watching the show in its proper environment". The only way to see or feel the product is to see it live, or at least see it with a crowd. And to me, there's no better place than at GOOD TIMES EMPORIUM in Somerville MA. You ain't truly experiencing a wrestling PPV without movie screen projectors and concert sound systems. And the roar of the crowd. For what it was worth, this was the best overall ROYAL RUMBLE I've seen in a long time. And I owe it all to the GOOD TIMES EMPORIUM, one of the few places still ill enough to host WWE PPVs. God bless their little lime wedges.
MSD
BONUS
Five biggest pops of the night
1) The Hardy Boyz beat MnM
2) The entire John Cena/Umaga match, but especially when Umaga was FU'd onto the steel steps and the first time Cena locked him in the STFU with the ring rope.
3) Finlay finally gets eliminated.
4) The Undertaker's first appearance (after the Great KHALI set the scene with his path of destruction).
5) The climatic finish as Shawn Michaels hit the ground and Taker went on to ROYAL RUMBLE immortality.
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